Thursday, October 6, 2011

An arse pinyadda

I sit in my office and listen to the sicko who's toilet is next door. Every day about this time he lets loose, and I could make a hit record of his grunts and groans. He will die in there one day, I am sure. I usually wait till after he is done to eat my lunch, but today I forgot and had an early. And along he comes as I tuck into my meatballs and lets rip with the arse pinyadda.

Such is life.


What the fuck is this?

An old friend just emailed me via this site, it looks like my words, it uses my email, but buggered if I can remember ever enrolling.

Hhmmmm, , ,

OK so I must have been drunk. It also means this site is way less intrusive than arsebook "send me more advertising". So I might leave some comments up here from time to time, an outlet for my creative side perhaps.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Die with "T"

Those of you who know me understand that I am a big unit. Not tall, but impressively thick. Even when I am not fat I am impressively thick. Well, used to be anyway. Now I am just fat.

And like every fat bastard I have attempts changing my lifestyle and getting healthy, eat the right food, do the exercises, you know the caper. I'm doing it right now.

Which means I have been living off salad and oats. Not oats exactly, muesli to be exact. Which is a grain eaters bubble & squeak I suppose. And there is an effect. Boy oh boy there is an effect. 

My turds are now monsters. 

And they have a mind of their own too. "Let me out" they scream, 

And I cant deny them, like a mother giving birth I have little control, I have to find a porcelain bus right now.

Which brings me to shopping for curtains. Which was today's "thing". The poor shop assistant in Freedom thought I was mad - two sentences and there I go off to the kassie. Again. And again. 

Ooops, here we go again, be back later,


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Things I See

So on public transport today. I hate buses. Really do.

Opposite me sat a small Thai girly. You know the type, makeup perfect, not a hair out of place. Sexy as.

I said to myself;

"Please dont get an erection, please dont get an erection"

But, dammit, she did.


The First Day

I sit here before my screen with a sick hangover, suffering a mid life crisis. I am nearly gargling on the leftovers in the back of my throat, and I think there is some gravel in there too.

I am getting too old for this shit.

Mind you at 4 am in the morning, hurling down the street astride a shopping trolley with one beer in my hand and twenty in my belly, I felt just great. Top of the World, couldn't be better. But dragging myself from bed, finding a trolley in the room, blood on my clothes and my favourite girlfriend sick on the lounge I have to consider where I am going. 

I think the blood has something to do with the shopping trolley.

Seriously now.

So here is my dialog to myself. If you read this then I hope you enjoy it.